Bittersweet Memory

Tonight I wanted to share a Layout with you. I shared this layout and story over in the 2peas gallery a week or two ago but it just fits the prompt for Shimelle's Blogging for Scrapbookers class so well that I decided to repeat it again here. Besides it is such a bittersweet memory for me and such a part of both me and my dd's story that it is worth repeating.

The story that I included in my Lo are the details of how when I was pregnant, we (My DD's daddy and I) had thought we would name her Noah whether we had a boy or a girl. Of course this persisted throughout my pregnancy until close to my due date. Then I started to have misgivings about the name Noah for a girl, and it didn't take long for both her Dad and I to come up with the name Autumn.


My dd loves this story she makes me tell it to her over and over again. I think it's so cute that kids like to hear about their early years. So even though she could probably tell the story herself, I always give in and retell the story again.


I knew this story was something that I needed to get down for her but since these memories have been coloured with a tinge of sorrow for me it can be so hard. You see around the time of my pregnancy my husband began to struggle with depression and a mental illness. Rather than address it directly, he chose to self-medicate. Eventually it spiralled completely out of control and when my dd was about one I was forced with a very heavy heart to make him leave. I wish it had been different, I wish that he could have sought out help but there is only so much one can do when the other is unwilling. I feel sad that my dd has never had the chance to know the man that I originally fell in love with. He really dropped out of our lives after that day. He phones me from time to time but my dd hasn't had any contact with him for a long time. Maybe one day I will share more with her but I want her to be able to enjoy her early stories because although her Father has disappeared it does not diminish the joy I had at the time of her birth.

Credit for the above LO: Urban Chic Boutique Wrap Around Ribbon, Study Hall Blank Cards, Fall Jamboree Festive Borders, Fall Jamoboree Solid Papers, Fall Jamboree Owl Papers all by Jen Allyson at 2peasinabucket.com, Great Outdoors Glitter Leaves and Word Lines Brush Set by MaryAnn Wise at 2peasinabucket.com